Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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