I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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