My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
