you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
