I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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