she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
