you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
