so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
