Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
