i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
