I hate your face
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
