I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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