How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
