I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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