it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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