IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
