Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
