I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
