I can tuck mytits in my pants
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
