im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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