Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
