FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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