I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
