just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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