it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
