I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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