apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
