I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
