what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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