I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
