you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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