just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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