Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
