Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
