Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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