i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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