my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize