I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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