i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
