I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
