Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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