Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
