I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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