He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
