i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
