Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
honey bunches of taint.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Alive.
So much puke
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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