I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
