I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
