As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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