he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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