I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so let's talk penis.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
