they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize