2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
