Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
