So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
