On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
