were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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