there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
