Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
