i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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