god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
