R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He did a backflip because drugs
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