a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
