shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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