Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize