The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
