At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
