No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
