She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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