The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just cropdusted the office
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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