White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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