Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
