Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize